An Internet Crash-Course for Conservatives

The Internet.

A big scary place full of small scary people. So what's a conservative to do? There's so much hate, vitriol, and ignorance out there.
Nary a day goes by where I don't scroll down to the bottom of a news story only to be embarrassed by the so-called conservatives taking a fluff piece on some guy's dog with a strange talent and turning it into the perfect chance to call President Obama a dog-eater.

In fact, I've come up with a formula for ignorent conservative comments:

Wow, [two words that sort of relate to the actual story], but [extremely uncreative play on "Obama"] is a [Muslim/socialist/communist/Kenyen]!

Here's a tip: when you're in a firefight, don't give the other side ammunition. And stupid, baseless comments are intellectual ammunition. To assist those who can't tell the difference between stupid and not stupid, I've compiled a few rules for Internet commenting right after the jump.

The Left's War on Women

With all this talk going on about the supposed “War on Women,” I wanted to take a moment to call attention to the true attackers of womanhood: the left.

The left, you see, hates conservative women, particularly those who choose traditionally “womanly” pursuits.  Stay-at-home mothers, for example, are ridiculed by the left. To be a “strong  woman,” a woman must get a degree and a career. Homemaking can only be a sign of a weak, repressed woman; a girl, really, forced to “make me a sammich” at the hand of her repressive, abusive husband.

Perhaps this is merely anecdotal evidence, but I love conservative women so much that I found one for myself and married her. And let me tell you, my wife is anything but weak.

But you know what she wants more than anything? To be a mother. In fact, she even wants to homeschool! Yet another favorite target of liberal attacks.

The funny thing is, when a woman actually does go out and get a career, liberals will still attack them with pathetic ad homonym name-calling. On Twitter, I watch as Dana Loesch (@DLoesch), among others, is constantly pelted with disgusting names which I will refrain from repeating (but rest assured that a good many of them are gender-specific).  Dana is a conservative woman with a job - and one she is excellent at. However, the left seems to think that a woman can only be of any use when she has also converted her thinking to liberalism.

Yet, for all the left’s talk of promoting women, what do their actions show? The liberals in Hollywood use their films to promote the objectification of women. So to do the “enlightened” Washington elite by creating policies that encourage sexual promiscuity (particularly among young people) that can only serve to nurture broken, shallow relationships.

Women are made to believe that if they’re not attractive enough, if they don’t show enough skin, or if their personality doesn’t suggest that they’re a potential sex partner, that they’re not good enough. It’s disgusting and damaging to our society how Hollywood keeps pushing body image and sex in the faces of our girls and young women.

This is progressive? This is good for women? How can the Democrats keep claiming to be the party of women when they serve only to destroy things like faith, family, and friendship: all things that, at the core of our beings, we all long for. It is these things, not sex, not some airbrushed, unattainable body that women should be pointed towards as a goal in life.

But the left keeps pandering and promoting the basest of human desires in a bid not to promote women but to promote themselves.

It will remain the Conservative who truly stands for the rights of the female.  The conservative believes that all were created equal and a woman has all the say on the subject of her own destiny.

Liberalism and the Ad Homonym

Someone other than Winston Churchill once said that “if you’re 20 and aren’t a liberal, you haven’t a heart and if you’re 40 and aren’t a conservative, you haven’t a brain.” The prophet Jermiah wrote in Jeremiah 17:9 that "the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Put simply, my point is that liberalism hinges on emotional arguments, that is to say fallacious logic. Chief among these is the Ad Homonym.

Literally meaning “against the man,” the ad homonym is a logical fallacy based upon an attack on an arguer rather than his or her argument. To illustrate this cartoonishly,  an absurdly illogical argument against Barack Obama’s economic policy would be “he’s wrong because he has big ears.”

As true as the statement about his ears may be, it has absolutely no bearing on his grasp of economics.

While I cannot account for every self-professed conservative on every forum in every dark corner of the internet, conservatives generally fall back to this base rhetorical bludgeon far less often.

I still remember attempting to have logical conversations with liberals during the Bush presidency. I would, for example, attempt to explain the Iraq war and would more often than not be confronted with a position that roughly boiled down to “Bush is a Nazi!” (See Reductio ad Hitlerum or Goodwin's Law.)

Never mind the fact that Nazis were socialists; Bush’s ideology was irrelevant in a debate about the merits of a particular war.

Now, if Mr. Bush were again running for political office and there was actually reasonable suspicion that he were indeed a Nazi, then that might mean something.

Liberalism is a logic-free hodgepodge of feelings and imagination run amok. John Lenon can "imagine" all he likes, but the fact of the matter is that we live in a world populated by human beings and true conservatives seek to overcome this obstacle by employing our greatest asset: the mind.

To clarify, I don't believe that liberals are devoid of a mind, nor are conservatives missing their hearts. Rather, I believe that liberalism, and leftist ideologies generally, can only be advanced when logic is pushed aside and feelings are substituted.



I've attached an example after the jump. It contains adult language that I considered redacting but its target is the late great Andrew Breitbart. So in his honor: This is who they are, this is what they do. NSFW.